Wanna hear a funny blonde joke?

An blonde prositute had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her Father cussed her.
“Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….Dad….I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.”

“OK, Dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $ 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…………………… (takes a breath)…………. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and… …”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.

Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.”
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.”

A short stout woman played the doctor who took Frank’s testicular biopsy. She had short, spiky, blonde hair. I would appreciate any help in the identification of this woman (she smoked in the show).

What do you imagine is going to develop between Fiona and her new friend (the blonde from school)?

Some kind of sexual thing is insinuated but… what’s really up with that new friend & her hubby (or boyfriend–whatever he is)? Any ideas?

I am thirteen years old and have a fifteen year old sister. There are times where we can get along and be nice to each other but that only lasts for a half hour at a time. Our conversations always end in something competitive or her saying something negative about me. She tells me that I’m a fat ***, crooked buck-toothed, freckle-faced freak, and says that I have eczema scab skin even though she often has very blemished skin on her face. She also ways a little less than me and is skinnier. The only things that I have on her physically are that she has some blemishes on her skin and I’m blonde and her hair is brown. But she still overpowers me on the skin thing since hers is clear, shaved, more tanned that mine and soft everywhere else except for the few blemishes on her face. And even with blonde hair, my hair is still extremely curly and I have to straighten it every morning if I want it to look decent. For that, she calls me a frizzy-haired ****. I also get straight A’s which are closed to ignored while she is a B student.
she always tells me that I’m awkward but the truth is, she only wait for me to do something embarrassing or imperfect so she can call me out on it and humiliate me in front of as many people as possible. And trust me, when she humiliates me she takes no mercy and is shameless about the whole thing. When she knows I am embarrassed and others are laughing at me, she looks me straight in the eyes with a devilish grin and laughs loudly to her hearts content. The reason why I do sometimes make mistakes in front of her is because I am always so careful about what I do in front of her that I get so nervous and I end up just looking plain awkward and so she makes fun of me yet again.
Whenever she is mean to me, I tell my parents and sometimes they will tell her not to do it but they never take any real action and she always does it again. A new thing that’s been happening lately is when I tell my parents about something mean that she has done in front of my sister, my mom will just laugh in my face. I’ll be seriously be screaming at my mom as she walks out the door that she needs to do something about it while my mom and sister are both laughing at me. My sister even makes fun of me and tells me that she can do anything she wants to me since my parents aren’t going to do anything. Another way my patents favor her is in cash. We’re struggling with money right now because of the economy and my parents are divorced and we live with our mom. My mom would always give my sister her credit card when we went somewhere without my mom but my sister wouldn’t tell me she had it so as I had to spend my money on something I wanted, my sister was charging everything on the card. And now, my sister has her very own credit card with her own name on it and gets whatever she wants on it. She has all the nice stuff too; the mac book pro which she upgraded to as I stayed with the regular mac book for three years now, a fancy, sleek digital camera, a new blackberry (she is constantly getting a new phone), designer clothes and shoes, really expensive makeup from sephora, and those vibrating facial things, etc. She always manages to think of good ideas before me and then when I say I like that idea too (even if I did but hadn’t told her yet), she claims I’m copying her. She always tells everyone that I always copy her and want to be like her so badly right in front of my face and it is really embarrassing. She is not socially awkward and needs to be the venter of attention. She also does things like tell me that we’re leaving the house to go somewhere at a later time than we actually are and so I’ll be ready late and everyone gets mad at me. She always talks about it to my mom and dad right in front of my face and says things like, “We need to do something about this, she’s a selfish brat, and needs to be punished for being like this.” She says this as if I’m some retarded creature who needs to go to a mental home. She has even told my mom right in front of me that I need to be sent to military school or something and my mom agreed with her! That was over a year ago but still-it’s ridiculous! I don’t even know what I actually did that is wrong. Another thing is, she always is calling me retarded and I get seriously self-conscious about it and sometimes cry. I talk to my parents about that too but they either don’t do anything or just laugh. She also yells at me and says that I am in my own world and retarded and never hear anyone. But when she doesn’t hear what I say she gets mad at me and says “it’s because you mumble under your breath because you’re difficult!” She even has my mom going on that one too.
So help me, how do I be better than her in every way? How do I make my parents like me more than her? I want to be the favored child. I don’t want answers that say it’s not healthy to fight with her. Sh