Why would a married couple openly cheat on eachother but they both agree that they don’t have an open marriage
LARRY J7~ Very well put answer.
I knew some people like that.. They loved each other very deeply and trusted each other not to fall in love with other people. Sex isn’t so magical when you get older.
An Open Marriage???!!!?
So the wife and I just got back from vacation. While we were there I more or less laid out to her what I was fantasizing (watching, not joining, her with another guy). We found a group of fun single guys at our resort. Partied with them one night at the disco. She danced with them and I hung at the bar with whoever wasn’t in the mood to dance. Than she picked the guy she liked and we went back to our room and they did their thing while I sat and watched. It was AMAZING all night watching her act single and sexy.
She loved it, I loved it …and not that I really care but I’m sure the guy loved it too. He was significantly larger than I was (in the pants) and she woke up with the biggest smile on her face and we had a GREAT rest of the vacation and more or less chilled with our new friends the rest of the trip (although that night was one time). Of course condoms were worn by the way.
She said she LOVES me with all her heart but really enjoyed being with an “endowed” guy and would like more of that. It doesn’t bother me as I can’t change what I was given. But any advice on this would be helpful. She had mentioned she had someone from her gym in mind. Leave an answer or you can PM me at “njbz81″ with further advice.
I just asked my husband if he wants an open marriage.Lots of details please read before answering that I cheat?
My email, (he’s in another country right now), asked this question again, and said that we could talk about it.
Do I want one…HELL NO. Do I want him to be happy and communicate with me, HELL YES.
Without communication I feel like the relationship is already over, and now and even way before he left on his trip, I had no sex drive, but was always “THERE”, if he wanted it. He’s capable of getting it up without me being all into it obviously. I love him and I want happiness for both of us.
Any tips?
If he replies that he wants one what do I do?
If he keeps denying that he wants one what do I do?
Most answers so far are exactly what I’ve been telling myself. Before that conversation in the car we talked for over an hour every night. WE…don’t talk anymore, I talk and he answers, and maybe says hi or bye or I love you randomly when we haven’t talked in a while. Communication went from 100% a ok wonderful nothing more I could ask for to NOTHING basically, and only after this conversation about swinging.
The reason I knew these friends/couples he knew were swingers, is because every time he would bring them up, he would purposely mention that they were swingers. I should have put two and two together but I’m a Christian, and he is a Christian and it never crossed my mind that swinging or having an open marriage was something he even considered an option.
Christians don’t ask the other Christian they are going to marry if they want to have sex with other people, it’s simply something that doesn’t happen.
Who said anything about jealousy? I’m disghusted that he thinks it’s ok to go stick his “stick” into anyone he pleases, and that I am supposed to be ok when he comes home and wants to stick it back in me.
The scared feelings and anger were a result of our marriage exactly a week before that conversation, we moved up to where he lived exactly a week afterwards. How was I supposed to feel?
To provide a better timeline, we’ve been married for 10 months. 9 months ago we stopped talking. 9 months ago my sex drive died, and now I’m finding it a bit of a chore to continue hoping he will just maybe find his voice box again and use it to do more than answer questions I ask him.
jimm-
The first time or this last time? Either one no different, this last time asking I sounded as if I was interested in it, as well as interested in whether or not he wanted it, and didn’t treat it like such a horrible thing.
I am sincerely hoping that it helps things in our marriage, because I know from my end, it’s miserable, more miserable than if he’d confess to having another wife or being gay or that he’s cheated from day one. Feels like a nurse is taking blood and keeps moving the needle around in my arm, after 9 months of that you probably want to rip the needle out and then slit your wrist into a gallon bucket and shove the blood in her face. I just wish this “limbo” our marriage seems to be in would stop.
I hate people who can’t read and/or have no reading comprehension. I had no sex drive after communication stopped. From hundreds of websites I’ve read to figure out WTheck is wrong with me I’ve learned that for some women it goes out the window when there is no communication.
We were friggen rabbits before that, he slept for an entire day after the 4 day honeymoon. Well 16 hours anyhow.
Yes, I deceived him into the marriage lol! How do you get that from anything I’ve said? There should be a “thumbs up” a “thumbs down” and a “just plain funny” button after every answer! Thanks for the laugh!
It’s obvious few people know anything more about true Christian beliefs, than how to spell it. And by what I’ve said here it seems as if I neglect my faith. I’d rather let him do whatever he wanted, BUT SAFELY and NOT LYING about it, and me staying in the real “Marriage”; than getting divorced. For those of you who asked if there are children involved, there are, but thank heavens both of them are too young to know what’s going on right now.
This hasn’t just effected our communication, it’s effected our sex life, and frankly my respect for him.
He answered my question this morning, said nothing about the communication comments I made but stated he didn’t want anyone else. While that is supposed to make me feel all warm and gooey inside, it doesn’t fix major problem one or two. 1 being we say maybe 10 words to each other a day when we are in the same house, and 2 most likely an effect of 1, sex has become something I don’t want, not only with him but with anyone…….
if this helps get the point across I will be blunt. His spit= the only lubrication before intercourse. I do get aroused, but not in the 5.2 seconds he expects. I’m under 25 so it’s not a hormone problem. He just doesn’t take the time. YES, I have asked him to, and YES, I have told him sex is painful to me because he doesn’t take his time. His problem solving involves spitting into his palm and then rubbing it on himself. Before, a few weeks into our marriage this wasn’t a problem, there was plenty of foreplay and PLENTY of self produced lube. I feel like he looks at me as if I’m a robot; cook, clean, wash the dishes, and then screw me on a whim. Did I mention that I haven’t had an orgasm since our honeymoon?
YES, I agree with those of you who say we need counseling, but I don’t want to embarass him. But I don’t want to sleep with him at all anymore. No pleasure, always pain, no communication, a fight if he has to wash the dishes once a month. What the hell am I? His mother?
If he replies yes, you have to decide whether or not you want to participate in this. Remember, that you asked the question.
If he denies it, there isn’t much you can do. Once a man feels like he can’t talk to you, there is little that you can do to gain that trust back. You flipping on him made him shut up.
I would proceed with caution. If he wants this and you don’t you will regret it.
If the only reason you’re considering swinging is to foster communication, you are going to be sorely disappointed. If communication is an issue, work on communicating.
But screwing other couples when it goes against everything you believe? Why would you do that? That won’t change the fact that your husband isn’t a good communicator…
Is this an open marriage??is his wife a gold digger?
His wife does nothing except dressing up in flashy clothes and hanging out with friends and getting her pictures clicked.the wife comes to watch him in hometown events.
the person who made a video of it and refused to mention where she put up the video.
Back In June 2011(now hes 31) he thrashed his 24 year old friend and colleague by revealing her sexual antics on radio,the number of men he knows she slept with and who’s she sleeping with while hes talking
this girl and my cousin were great friends fir the last 5 years.i saw a picture of him posing very closely with her(arm on her waist,body tilted) which was not of his workplace,it looked like they were going somewhere,
and when his wife comes to watch him perform at the theater he goes and kisses his wife in the crowd when finished.even before he had an affair with his colleague he would kiss his wife in the crowd after he finished performing.
are they trying to prove something??what are they showing???
wat sort of marriage is he in?
my cousin is wealthy.
are they crazy?
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Search terms:
- wife wants open marriage
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- why do couples choose to have an open relationship and not swing
- to lecture on why married couples cheat on each other
- videos of couple who agree on open marriage
- wife wants open marriage is she cheating
- wife enjoys open marriage
- why is she into open marriage
- how to openly put your cheating spouse out in the open
- openly cheating
To each their own. This one I wouldn’t want to understand.
maybe they have a no care attitude
its probably thrilling
she is just using him…
and he is willing to take it.. most likely cause he is really into her..
sometimes it is for security reasons..
or they are addicted to each other..
don’t try to figure it out.
. people ae doing the most oddest things of all now days.. it is outrageous..
They’re just plain dysfunctional. Stop trying to figure it out, it’ll just drive you mad.
Open relationships only work if both people are into it; you’re obviously not. This is probably something you two should have discussed before you got married, but what’s done is done. Now if it turns out that an open marriage is something he does want, you can agree to try it, with the agreement that it will not continue if you are not comfortable, but you have to remember that he has to compromise with you, its not all about you giving in to him.
Have you considered that him saying he doesn’t want one MEANS he doesn’t want one?
Maybe, just maybe, after he heard that you did not want one, convinced him to side with you, but your instant anger turned him off, too. He brought it up, in conversation, so you should have answered him…CONVERSATIONALLY.
The LACK of communication, from what I see, is FULLY in your hands.
ADD: Maybe he’s embarrassed for mentioning it and your reaction is making him feel like you don’t love him. Trust me, guys are NOT always the rocks you women want them to be…Believe it or not, they have emotions and are usually MUCH worse expressing them. (No one comforts us when we are “sad”…we’re usually ridiculed for it.)
You are asking if you should do something: a. You do not want to do; b. that you consider cheating. Honestly, if you do this you will be doing something that will cost you your self respect. I fully appreciate that you want communication between the two of you. But having sex with other guys and him having sex with other women is not going to create communication plus you will always regret, eventually resent and feel pained by your decision.
If both of you want to communicate, I urge you both to consider marital therapy. They help couples every day (although not every couple) to work through communication issues (and the couples don’t need to have sex with others for it to work).
Good luck : )
I think you should have asked this question BEFORE you married him, but then you would have had to decide if it it was the right thing to marry him, knowing that he wanted an open marriage. When you revealed how you really feel about open marriage, he shut down. This could be compared to a big pout, hoping that you will change your mind to make him happy again.
You know how you feel about “swinging” and to get yourself involved in it will, very possibly, destroy your marriage, not to mention what it will do to your psyche. So now you still have to decide if it was the right thing to marry him. It looks like he will not be happy not swinging, and you will not be happy if you do.
It won’t do for him to keep denying that he doesn’t want to swing as long as he is barely speaking to you and not participating in your marriage.
I don’t really recommend counseling because I think your marriage was a mistake from the get-go. He won’t change his interest in swinging, and it is wrong for you to turn your back on your own values. You just need to decide if being married is so important to you that you will sacrifice your values to be in it, or if you would be better off sticking to your values and finding someone who believes as you do.
This marriage was already doomed from creation.
These questions should have been asked back when you guys were dating!!! Well I have mixed feelings on this subject. I say it is a yes and no on cheating. I have friends that say open relationships actually make the marriage better. Somehow it makes you appreciate and treat your partner better.
For me why would you get married in the first place if you dont want to – devote yourself to one person???? till death do you part! but hey what ever works for you – i dont judge – always follow your heart.
Your marriage will benefit by honest communication, so try to just listen and be secure that he loves YOU, which he obviously does or he would have been gone after the first conversation.
Do you love him? Then please put aside your instant anger and jealousy and just listen to him. Don’t be scared, you already know that not talking is killing your marriage. Maybe he will be OK with just talk and fantasy, and only being sexual with you.
Sex can be a very great expression of marital love. It can also be recreational, but that will not work unless you are both comfortable with it. Just because he might like the idea of swinging doesn’t mean he will cheat on you. Swinging and cheating are not the same, not at all. If he loves you, he will be true to your relationship and your agreements. Swinging involves agreement, trust and commitment to each other, Cheating is betraying that trust.
BTW – all people have fantasies, it’s part of being human. Tell him yours – even if you and he are the only people in them. How would he feel if you tell him you think about him that way? How would you feel if he told you?
– You were angry and scared about your husband talking about open marriages. That certainly sounds like jealousy. You didn’t read anything about the communication part. It is not OK for him to do any sexual thing out side of marriage unless it is OK with you, and it obviously isn’t. You shut down the communication, and were very clear describing how you did it, answering for him. You can open it back up, but you might have to acknowledge his feelings to do so, and share yours honestly and without anger.
“I had no sex drive, but was always “THERE”, if he wanted it.”
…
So you deceived a man into marriage and are now wondering ‘Why oh why does he want to have sex with someone else?”
You’re not straight. No, no you’re not. You’re not.
Seriously think this swinging thing over and take baby-steps.
Your impractical religious beliefs have now not only screwed up your life but his life too.
If you have no children to raise, you should serious consider splitting-up no matter how badly it will hurt now.
You both deserve to be happy and that’s never happening if you agree to an open-relationship of some-sort.
I have to ask you. How do you think your marriage would be if you didnt ask the question???
I’m gonna try to reply to your question as well as I can, I apologize if any of it comes off wrong, it’s not my intention to irritate you by any means.
So! 1st off, being a practicing member of any religion has nothing to do with polyamory. I know many poly couples, and a good number of them attend churches of various denominations. Human sexuality has nothing to do with spirituality, everyone simply has their personal preferences.
As far as your particular issue goes, you don’t want to do it, & please don’t. One thing I can say with absolute certainty is that anyone trying swinging to “fix your relationship”, specifically your sex life, WILL destroy your relationship.
For people that have a solid long term relationship, total open communication, and a healthy sex life that love and trust each other enough to want to add something, it can potentially be a great thing. There are definite benefits, but I’m not going to lecture you about something you are obviously against.
Also, swinging is not cheating. Lies, deception, breach of faith and trust, THAT is cheating. But again, seeing as a very small percentage of people have the mentality required to try a poly relationship, never mind make one work, I can tell it’s not likely to be a topic you’re interested in hearing about.
As to your current lack of communication, THE #1 requirement for a successful poly relationship, and looking at the time it has been that way,… Well, I really cant give you any hopeful opinions. I’m honestly afraid it’s something that he’s going to allow to destroy what you two have together as sad as that is. Even for a bone headed male, 9 months is a long time to mope about anything, it doesn’t seem like a good sign for recovery of your relationship to it’s pre “question of doom” state. I do sincerely hope I’m wrong, hopefully some work and some soul searching on both your parts will fix that.
The biggest question you two should look at isn’t about the whole open relationship thing, that one has been answered. It’s about whether he wants to be in a relationship and if he honestly believes this disaster is one?